So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
