She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
