I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
