I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
