I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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