I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
