Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
