If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
