If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
