I just saw a hot homeless man
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize