I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
