I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize