I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
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