We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
