I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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