k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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