Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
