I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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