It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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