i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
