i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
