Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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