Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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