I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
