oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
