george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
