just survived the first fart of the relationship.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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