so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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