I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
