Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize