Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
