So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
