I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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