So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
