god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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