Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
