Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
