Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
