I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
