apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
