he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
