I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
