I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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