I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
