he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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