Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
