You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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