Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Randomize