my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
