you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
