I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
