i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
