do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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