I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
