Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
