Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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