For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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