Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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