what if every blade of grass was a penis?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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