Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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