OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
