I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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