Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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