Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
