I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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