Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
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