Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
