Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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