I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
