I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
