i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
