Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Floor bacon is actually really good
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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