third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
