Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
