we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize