i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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