I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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