i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
