Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
