wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
