Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
