i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
