I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I checked into jail on foursquare
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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