I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
im on a boat
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