New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
