What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
