it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
