Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
