Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
