I'm eating all of the evidence.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
