I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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