the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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