I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
