Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize